God Blesses Me Too Much I Fear

I have been incredibly anxious of late. Especially at work. I have no pride in saying that I grow restless over the fact that I feel as though I have the ability to be at least a reasonably good attorney NOW, and a very good attorney with some practical experience. I think that while I am ready for law school to begin, I almost see it as an unnecessary step, even if it is a required step. So like I said, I have been discontented of late. But, as per usual, God sees my problem, and without fail, will send me solutions. I can name three off the top of my head. First, I went to visit my good friends Pam and Noel when Lauren spent the night with them and Kathy and I picked her up. Pam and Noel were our neighbors when we first moved in at our house, but have since moved away. Pam had also started back to school the same time I did, and her and I journeyed through the hell that it was, often time trading war stories or helping each other out. Pam has graduated and become certified as an RN. She and I were talking and she is absolutely still amazed at the amount of money she makes now, especially when she works unscheduled days! I needed to see that to keep me focused on the fact that the financial struggles that Kathy and I suffer right now are not to be the case for much longer. Between us, we make about 30 thousand a year, but out of law school, fresh faced and unproven, I stand to make 45 thousand a year! I mean seriously, if Kathy were to just pick up a job part time and bring in 10 thousand a year, we would be pretty much set compared to now. And like I said, I do believe I will be successful as an attorney and likely command a bigger income in fairly short order.

Second, with our immediate financial situation, we have been having to make some lifestyle and habit changes with regard to how our money is spent. It does my heart good to see Kathy and I, rather than making great proclamations of what we were going to do and then continuing on with our poor spending habits, actually making those decisions and sticking with them. For example, I waffled the other night and suggested we go to Goody's for some yogurt. We have dug our heels in on hour spending is going to go for the next two weeks, and that wasn't in the budget. She plainly said to me, nope, we said no outside spending on the plan and that is outside spending. So once again, my wife keeps me straight.

Third, even though I have not even started my first day of law school, I have received a job offer! The attorneys for the old law firm I worked for asked me to meet them for lunch, and point blank said they wanted first shot at me after law school, and even went so far as to say that they are looking for someone to turn the keys to the firm over too, as they are both looking for some way out but don't want to close the doors on the firm they have worked to build. I promised them I would come talk to them first, and I will. I just worry that the fact that I was an underling paralegal will not tarnish their view of me once I am an attorney and lessen their respect for my opinion. But even still, like I said, God knows I need forward movement and he provided it to me with that experience.

God, thank you so much for blessing me more than I deserve and I pray that you continue to bless me and my little family and help us get through the difficult financial and emotional times that are sure to lie ahead in the next three years. and that you help me take care of my family like they deserve and bless them mightily with patience for me while I am in law school. Thank you so much for leading us to Mt. Olive Church and giving us a spiritual home and family that have already been such a blessing in such a short time. In Your Name, Amen.

How Did This Happen?

I have to admit, my life has been extremely charmed in the last 5 years. I have dated and married the girl I knew from the time I met her I wanted to spend my life with, even if she was married at the time. I bought a home,I started and finished a Bachelors Degree, have been accepted to law school and become somewhat successful as a paralegal. I have met so many new friends in the Rive Valley area and have reconnected with some old friends from Northwest Arkansas. And most recently, I have found a wonderful church family in Mount Olive Church. I just can't believe that I deserve any of this, much less all of it. I will be thankful for His Grace though.

I have to admit, I am becoming anxious about one thing though. I am not a patient person. I want to get started on what I want to do now. Waiting on law school is killing me. I just know in my heart of hearts I have the capability to be an exceptional attorney, and I want to get started on doing that right now! But here is the thing I have come to find out. Most people want to get into law and make tons o' money. I want to make good money, but I don't want to be rich. I seriously just want to be able to provide for my family, pay my bills and put some money back, and be able to take a real vacation each year and have a few good getaways through out the year. That is not asking too much right?

Putting yourself out there

I am not a wall flower. Not one bit. I am not scared to put myself out there and try to make new friends. I am slow to start, but tend to do ok once I get acquainted with people. Well, I rarely say this, but there is one friend I am starting think I am not going to be able to make. I like the guy well enough. He is fun to hang out with even though we have not spent a great deal of time hanging out. I get the notion we are a lot alike probably. Family men, spiritual, goal oriented. And at times we have both kinda put it out there that we should hang out, but it seems timing is an issue. I have been trying a little harder here lately. And there is a reason behind it. I think he is having a hard time in life right now, and I think God is telling me to be his friend, that he may need me. I am just not sure he is getting the same message. I have tried over the past couple of days to get him to come to our church softball game and when he said he was putting together a swing for his daughter, I offered to help. This was all done by text, and my offer to assist was ignored.  After thinking about it, it does seem to me that I have been ignored like that on more than one occasion. I am not sure that I need to keep pushing on this issue, so I am going to stand back and let God do what he does, make what is supposed to happen, happen! It is not my place to determine the proper course, it is my job to let Him guide me.

Change of Direction

Well I started this blog long before I started my weight loss blog. It was originally a goofy name and was going to be about my journey as a new husband and old man going to college. I am no longer a husband and I done gradumacated college. So I decided that since I have a lot of things I want to talk about not weight related and don't really have an outlet for them. So, I thought I would use this place as a journal. If people find it then so be it, but as it stands right now, I just kinda want it for me I think. If it gets to the point I want to publicize, I may do that. Who knows. Well it is movie time, so I will see ya later!

Going for it!

So as I told you before, I am trying to get in better shape and lose weight. I have had some success at it but kinda hit the wall the last week. Well my wonderful friends on Facebook and other real life places have enlightened me to the suckiness of diet sodas and caffeine and not drinking water. Apparently I could just take right off if I were to drink more water. So it is on again! I hopefully can get the 280 I want by Friday!! God is good, God is great!!

And it is on!!

I decided the day after Christmas that I was gonna make the new decade be better than any other I had taken part in! So I basically asked God to help me out with something. I knew I had a problem with food, I knew I had been unable to handle it myself to date. So, I prayed real hard for the Lord to help me, to change my heart and mind and beat my food addiction. He has and I am so happy for it! I began by diversion when I wanted to eat for no reason. I would stop do 5 squats, and then I wouldn't want the food anymore. I eventually got so in shape that I decided to begin doing more squats and then I started working on walking at the track at lunch. All the while, I have began to eat less calories per day, thanks to my lovely wife Kathy, who has taken it all to heart and changed the way she cooks supper. We now eat alot of vegetables and healthy meats like chicken and the like. I am now 22 pounds lighter.

The Blessing of Forward Sight

As Far back as I can remember, I have always had this ability which I call a gift. Thinking back, I recall using it in the 8th grade pretty regular. I played football and that is the year that the coaches became hard nosed and practices were no longer social occasions. I was not the greatest at running. I hated it and it hurt. But I never quit because of it. I knew that if I stuck with it, the running would be over eventually. That is how I kept my head in it. I still have the gift of looking forward at the end result to mitigate my current situation and my attitude towards it. For example, I am burned out deluxe on school. I been going for forever and now that I am no longer in the paralegal program taking classes that interest me, I feel it even more. However, at least once a week, I remember that if I can make it through this semester, only 9 more classes to go! I get all giggly just thinking about it! That is what keeps me from throwing my hands up and saying screw it waaay more often than not, I promise you.